Letters

Hi Mark....Great article.

I feel the same way about these doctors...and the way they are being bought by the drug manufacturers...a lot of the doctors are too lazy or unskilled to really be a doctor and maybe even passed in the bottom percentile of their medical class...but they are making big bucks pushing pills...so they really don't need to know much to prescribe anti-depressants and stuff like that... and keep people on them for life... which is not what they were intended for usually.

In addition, they hurt or kill an awful lot of people by prescribing drugs that cause side effects...in particular when combined with other drugs because they do not know what they are really prescribing. I have had the pharmacy catch a conflict, thank God.

How can an inquiry be started to examine this issue?

Hella

Hi Mark,
My Name is Gordon and I am an alcoholic.

I have been listening to your program on CFRB for a while, and enjoy it.

I was wondering if you could announce on Saturday June 29th that there will be a "Chemical Free Zone" ( a sane oasis in the middle of the Gay Pride Festival) in the Paul Kane parkette on the north side of Wellesley Street in between Yonge Street and Church Street 9:30am to 10:30pm Sunday June 30th.

It will be hosted by volunteers from various Recovery programs in the Toronto area.

There will also be 12 step meetings at 10 am & 4:30pm held in a Large tent in the Parkette, along with music and entertainment all day.

Also, in the Parade there will be a group of gay/lesbian AA members marching under a banner which reads: CLEAN AND SOBER AND PROUD this is the 20th year that our group has marched in the Parade as part of our outreach to the community.

Thanks
Yours in Sobriety
Gordon M
Church Street Group

Hi Mark,

My husband started using cocaine back in 1986, although prior to that he smoked hash etc. and told me about other drugs (pills) prior to my meeting him. He probably started those around the age of 16. He is now 44. His use was very high until 1995, when he seemed to taper off and I thought he had quit at one point. I'm noticing increased use again which is also connected with heavy drinking. He does not become violent or abusive, although the day after can be quite tough on me emotionally and mentally. I've suspected occasional crack use, just going by visual symptoms and articles found.

His business has been taking a major dive during the last year. I've confronted him, his mom has confronted him but he remains in strong denial. We're crazy and imagining things. I know that he has to come to the place where he will say "yes, I have a problem, I need help". What else can we do?

I see a decline in his health. He needs glasses, he has untreated gum disease, he is getting sick more often. When he breathes it sounds like loose skin flapping inside. There is a sick smell in his room when he wakes up. You have to understand he's built like a horse, otherwise I know he would have been dead long ago. What are long term psychological changes?

Are they reversible? Please send me any info you can. Waiting patiently for a reply.

Deborah

I wish I could say something optimistic about your husband, but it would be lying.

One of the most hard-hitting statements I ever heard was what a counselor told me about a good friend once. That is: Some of us have to die. With alcoholics and addicts, not all of us get better. Not all of us survive. Many die from this disease.

Brace yourself for this sad fact. And my advice is to share it with your husband. He seems set in his ways and rigid in his inflexibility. Well, the chances are that you won't have to put up with it for very long. So, expect the worst and let him know that you've given up hope.

Now, I realize this bleak prognosis sounds heartless and cruel. Except that I shared this with my friend on the advice of that same counselor and guess what? It scared him into getting sober!

Why? I don't know...But, it seems like it might be worth a try!

Good Luck!

Hi Mark

It's been almost two months since I stopped taking Paxil and I am still experiencing now mild side effects. I was on Paxil for about six months. For whatever reason I put on noticeable amount of weight - that bothered me. Anyways I just wanted to share with you that coming off of paxil can be a traumatic experience. I'm not kidding. Better off with living just the way one is !!!

I started on paxil to help with my self esteem and self confidence and to numb the feelings of emptiness and voidness. It did help for a couple of months and then the ugly side of paxil started to take control. That's why I stopped cold turkey. Now I have to cope with those feelings and emotions of emptiness and void.

Enjoy your radio show and do listen whenever I can. Keep up the good work !

Robert

Hi mark, please read this short note. I love your show especially when you keep it to phone ins in particular. One night I was so suicidal, and was putting the finishing touches to my plan, when a woman phoned in and you were able to talk her out of swallowing a load of pills. What you probably don't realize that for the one person in distress on the phone in, there are hundreds more like me listening in whom you save as well. It was my second time listening to you, your voice was so empathetic and SINCERE, that I put my pills away. thank-you from me and all the voiceless people you save, just by hearing your warm and very sincere voice. Love you always Ann.

Thanks Ann!

It's always nice to hear back from someone like you!

Hi Mark,

This isn't really an e-mail asking for help or anything, I just wanted to let you know how much I love your show. Also, I wanted to say thanks for your show last week on OCD. I've had it for years ( now I'm 16). People really need to know about OCD, because it doesn't seen to be something everyone wants to talk
about. And it's so important that the stigma of being "crazy" when you have OCD is eradicated.
Anyway, I also wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your spin on psychological drugs. I've never been on them even though "I should be", and I'm doing fine. It even helps knowing that I don't need drugs to be okay. It's a hell of a lot harder to deal without meds, but I never want to be reliant on drugs to dictate my mood, and how I should be. My best friend has been on paxil
for a while now, and it's just destroyed her. Her parents shipped her off to a psychiatrist, where she was promptly diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and put on drugs. All of this 16. Are our brains even fully developed at 16? No talk of alternate therapies, nothing. And I'm glad that you're letting people know how over prescribed these drugs are, because they aren't helping people.

Anyway, again, thanks for doing your show. I really, really enjoy it. It gives so much insight into so many people, which is really cool, because I want to go into psychology. Your show is better than the books...it's real people, and it's truthful. Thanks a lot.

nikki

My husband just left in a rage as he always does when he tries to win me over

and I don't respond to his invitations to meals out or even a cup or coffee he

suggest that i drink that I don't want.

I quit drinking 19months ago and have been in AA for 6months now i have moved on without him. His verbal abuse is so upsetting i just hate him afterwards. I sleep in a different room( I have told him I cant stand to sleep with a smelly drunk) work all the time and even am gone 3-4 days staying with a handicapped women just to be away from him.

I still can't get away from getting hooked into his b.s. While I am home getting my clothes ready and cleaning along the way to start another stay away from home. I am not going to leave for awhile, am stuck till we clean some credit debts.

I need to hear more on the subject of verbal abuse and how to work on my self esteem and I guess live better in this home with less resentment.

A tough old veteran at AA suggest I pray for the sick bastard.

Help mark

Mia

p.s. i go to alanon too.

The Alcoholics "Prayer of Resentment" is "God, give the s.o.b. what he deserves". And, I've gotten into more trouble with devout Christians over the years for teaching that prayer! However, I stand by it's inherent wisdom. It does not pray that bad things will happen to someone. Neither does it tell God what to do in the situation.

What it does say is simply give them what they deserve...and I've never seen anything that says it with more "detachment" than in those simple words!

You are doing the right thing in attending Al-Anon. But, it's time to leave the house and move on with your own life. You mentioning living with your friend, the handicapped woman, and make it quite clear that it's a better situation than at home!

Move there, and start working on getting a formal separation.

You deserve better than this!

Dear Mark:

I really hope you can say something that will make some sense out of my life.

I am not sure whether I am going crazy or my husband is crazy. He has been an addict all his life.

Me, I guess I did not have the best life. My parents both drank, although I can never talk about it with my brother because he thinks I was the bad teen. I was never supervised.

In turn I ended up sleeping with my friends father at 14 yrs. He was 41, just so I would have a friend.

I had 2 children with him and 13 yrs. Today he is 71 and I am 45.

I think the world of him now that we are not married. The problem is my current husband. Boy, did I jump from the fire pan to the fire!

He has been an addict all his life. He sniffed glue when I first met him. I didn't realize how serious the problem was and thought "oh he never had anyone who understood him". Ha!

John says he loves me and I believe in his own sick way he does. I am hurting so bad I love him. But he is the biggest con and liar.

I have to hide money. The terrible things he has done to our family is unbelievable. We have 2 boys together. I could go on and on but for now I will stop and ask is there help for me I feel so trapped.

Trapped because in spite of all the ugliness he has put us through I still love him. He is really no good. This subject needs to go into further depth. For now can you give me some advise.

Hurting

Would it surprise you at all to hear that you're expressing one of the most common complaints that happen in an alcoholic marriage? In fact, I can't think of a statement I hear with more regularity than: "He's no good, but I love him anyway".

You are meant to get involved in Al-Anon! In fact they've got a pamphlet called "The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage" that describes your life to a tee!

I want you to realize that you don't deserve the pain that you've got in this relationship. But, it's a choice you've made. So, make the best of it!

For now, you need to get involved with other wives and family members of alcoholics who can give you support while you come to grips with the problems.

That's what Al-Anon is all about!

Find your local Al-Anon in the phone book or call 1-888-4AL-ANON (between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. ET Monday-Friday). You can also visit their website by clicking here

Good day sir, I am on a search to find a rehab program to get my best friend in. He is addicted to GHB, hopefully you are familiar with the Drug. I know there is the metro addiction referral service that has a program. The problem is the my friend is more-so upper class and not a typical addict you find unemployed with no family support. He has a excellent job in the banking industry, he is well educated and has amazing relationships with each and every person in his life. However, he is very crafty, manipulative, and very good at talking his way around his problem. He will walk right out if he checks into some metro sponsored program that doesn't have the understanding of the drug he is hooked on. If he is grouped in the common population of crack and heroin addicts he will definitely fly. Maybe that is what he needs, but being a voluntary program, will take off. I don't know what to do, I know he needs to quit but he need the help of a professional.

HELP?!

Thank you,

Dear Mark,

Just a quick note from a listener. I've been listening to your show
for quite a while - even before my entrance into AA in December of last year (like all alcoholics - I knew I had a problem long before admitting it to anyone, and I used to listen to your show for the "entertainment" value). I'm now 118 days sober, and loving the AA program, and your show provides me with a wonderful Saturday night meeting, with people from all over the province (and sometimes further). I've recommended it to my sponsor, and will recommend it to other AA members as time goes by. I feel it provides a service I sometimes can't find in meetings alone.

I guess the reason I write this letter is simply because before I
sobered up, I never would've. I wouldn't think of thanking anyone for anything, except maybe alcohol or drugs. Now I enjoy pointing out the cooler things in life.

I do wish your message got to me earlier though, on those nights I'd listen with a beer in my hand before heading out to a club. My bottom came when I had half my ear bitten off at the Phoenix nightclub last December 28th. But hey, with 1.5 ears left, I can hear your message louder than I could with 2.

Keep up the great work, and here's to another 24 hours.

God bless.

Alan

Hi Mark!

My question is this: My 55 year old husband drinks daily: 2 beers at lunch at 3 oz of whiskey at night. He also abuses Valium and Soma.

Is it safe to recommend him to stop or is it too late after 26 years of dependency and is it better to let him continue?

Thanks.

Martha

Something which is commonly misunderstood: It's not the amount of alcohol that a person drinks which makes them an alcoholic. It's the effect the alcohol has on them. Alcoholism is a disease of impaired thinking which affects everything in your life.

The fact that your husband is using drugs like Valium and SOMA as well complicates things because those drugs enhance the effect of alcohol. Those drugs enhance each others effects as well!

You can bring these red flags to his attention; You can even recommend that he stop. But, unless he sees a problem in himself he probably won't do anything about it.

Valium and SOMA are two of the worst drugs for alcoholics or addicted people to be taking! Both come with warnings about using alcohol while taking the medication. But, your husband probably thinks he knows better.

After all, he's an expert after taking them for so long, isn't he?

There's more to this story than just your question, isn't there?

Take your concerns to Al-Anon and start working on what you can do for yourself! You're the one who's looking for help, not him. Find it by speaking to someone at Al-Anon today! (...and the sooner you make the call, the faster you'll start feeling better!)

Find your local Al-Anon in the phone book or call 1-888-4AL-ANON (between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. ET Monday-Friday). You can also visit their website by clicking here

Hi Mark
I listen to your program on CFRB 1010 and really enjoy it very much. We have a problem with the signal fading before your program is finished.
I'm not sure where to start or even if I'm going to send this letter once I have finished writting it. I have a gambling problem and it is getting worse and I am totally out of control. I'm spending money on this addiction that definately should be spent on other things and I feel like a thief. I'm definately stealing from my family and I don't know how to stop. I have tried prayer to help me with this problem and the only thing that prayer seems to do is to remind me of the problem. I phoned the gambling number in the phone book to see if there is a support groups in the area but the only thing that is available is the Simcoe Outreach Program which I'm going to phone and make an appointment for counselling. I guess the I feel like I'm too far into this problem and I hate myself for being where I am and I feel like a total failure.
Anyway, Mark, how do other people with similar problems help themselves.

"Where do you get Faith if you have no faith in even yourself " Ruby says...... last night on your show. And you put it to Dick....... Dick B? from (some gambling hall in ) the states.... who's on his sixteenth book !.... but still has to quote people in order to make his point.... He says ....'there's a simple way .... and there's a hard way'.... you find it when you need it he says..... to quote good old abe....(Lincoln) who says we've forgotten God.... well i say Ruby's forgotten Ruby. And Ruby should start a book of her own (a journal) .... and call it her 'Big Book'.... and start asking herself questions like .... who the hell is dick (anyway).... and what the hell does HE know....?

and have a good scotch while she's doing it... if she has to to start off.... and a good bloody question period about this phone call and this life ....and this man who couldn't hear her.... (was it a bad connection or what.... she seemed to be able to hear him...!) ....and the gatherings she thinks she should go to. and the people she thinks she should see..
To TALK ABOUT WHAT ?.... and BE what ?.. A Pawn in someone's life.... someone's so called show....?.... get your own show going ruby.... start your own book....... call it 'my book' my baby ....... me.

Mark,

i wrote you an e-mail last week in a fit of anger and was expecting to be 'chastised' for it.... you said something about 'how can i argue with that?' I have an argumentative streak it seems that i inherited from my father. that i wish i didn't. Anyway what got me was the letter sent in addressing mine i'm sure.... how he was shocked at the hatefulness.... and that's what i needed to see. it's hard to see yourself as you really are. although i don't really think i'm hateful. i think i just hate what was done to me. and how do you let go of that.? ....? love is the answer they say. and i really do want to love. I'm sorry if i came off as scathing. i really am. and thanks for not printing the names on these letters.... if i had seen my name there i would have died. ....

HI Mark,

Was at your website today. Saw the letter from that person who seems to hate addicts. It reminded me of me. I used to view things the same way until I was actually faced with the problem. GOD, could I have been that ignorant?? I don't get much chance to visit your site, but I certainly didn't expect to see that. I guess it takes all kinds.

Anyway, I just wanted to say hi to you all at PHP. Wish I could hear your show more often. I used to be able to pick up bits of it on the radio in my car, but I don't have my car any more. The engine self destructed (no one got hurt). Things are looking up, and I am still sober (BIG SURPRISE THERE!!!!!!!!). I have to find a new sponsor because I have moved, but other than that I am doing well.

Hope everyone is well there.

Your fan,

Mic

So you don't think the police should be sniffing around. And poor Brenda Waudby. What a laugh. These people that get themselves hooked because they're just so helpless.... and just get themselves into such messes. And then they think they can easily go and get some support. Some friendly people around them to hear their sad tale of woe..... my my my look what i did to myself.... and my my my my little girl is dead . someone murdered her. and i wasn't even there. my my my. The sound of this woman on the radio on Saturday was pathetic. If i had a kid that was killed i sure wouldn'be be shootin my mouth off on the radio. I'd be bloody well ashamed to be talking to anyone aboutit. Losers .... that's what addicts are.... and they should be ashamed of themselves. and you should be t! oo Mark...... instead you're proudly proclaiming that I am an Addict.... a big suckhole... is what you are... and so is this woman. and she deserves the police sniffing around her.... .... This is how i see Alcoholism.... my father was an alcoholic.... ... and he made me sick. His weakness.... and it sure isn't a disease..... unless you want to call it a desease of being a pig.... or a Selfish person....was his own fault..... The first time you get drunk could be called a mistake. But you sure as hell know what you're doing.... and you know what happens..... the second time is an act of total irresponsibility.... and you deserve what you get .... especially if there are people who look up to you for ....whatever. They are disgusting people in my eyes.... who need a kick in the bloody head.... not a godam support group..... pigs........ outright pigs.

Hi Mark,

I was just wondering if you are the same Mark Elliot that graced the airwaves on CFRA and CFGO in the 80s? If so, i just wanted to let you know that i gained an appreciation for music by listening to your top 40 countdown shows on both stations. I miss those nights at Astralite when you used to broadcast live from there be the M.C for the evening. Not to kiss your ass or anything, but your were the best radio DJ at the time and no one has been better since. Every time i hear the Bugs Bunny overture when watching cartoons with my son, it brings back memories of my teen years and the Mark Elliot show. The Ottawa airwaves have seemed empty since you left. I find it to be an inspiration to everybody the way you have turned your life around and using your past experiences to help others through your website. Keep up the great work.

Very Warmest Regards,

Dave Marks

Ottawa, ON

Dear Mark

An old friend of mine was at the club I work at tonight. He stopped coming around about 5 or 6 years ago because he was suffering from depression. He was a high school teacher and I think he might have stopped working and went on disability for awhile. He recently came back to the club and I've seen him there a few times. Tonight he asked me if I would give him a lift home, and on our way, he asked me if I have time to go for a coffee as he needed to talk. As we were entering the coffee shop, he apologized because he didn't have enough money to buy me a coffee. Not a problem, I said - and I will treat him. After talking about everything else under the sun, and now back in the car, I asked him where he lived, he finally opened up. He said he has nowhere to live and he was staying on the couch at another club.

He told me that when his father died in 1998, he inherited 1/4 million dollars (I already knew that). To make a long story short, he decided to invest in a business with someone else and ended up losing EVERYTHING. All he has left now is about $9,000.00 which is in mutual funds. He has no money for food or bus fare. He is bringing in $1800.00 a month from his school pension but this month he "foolishly" went to the track and tried to turn it into more -- and lost it all, of course.
(By the way, I have never known him to be addicted to anything,
he doesn't drink or do drugs - but he might gamble a little).
Mark, here was this bright, intelligent, clean cut man talking to me with tears in his eyes, telling me how depressed he was. When I told him that I knew he had suffered from depression in the past, he mentioned that he had stopped taking his medication.
Then he told me that he has even contemplated suicide!!!!!
I didn't know how to handle the situation, so I told him that he had to make a plan - but the first thing he had to do was call his doctor tomorrow, telling him that he must see him quickly and get his prescription renewed. I explained that in his present state of mind, he couldn't think clearly and he had to PROMISE me that he would call the doctor tomorrow. He did promise but, of course, I don't know if he'll do it.
I gave him $50.00 for food and bus fare (he offered me a post-dated cheque, which I refused for now).
I'm worried about his thoughts on SUICIDE. What should I do?
Any advice will be appreciated.
Thanks,

You've made all the right decisions in what you did and what you told him to do. Sometimes what's most baffling is seeing someone we know who "should know better" slipping into being dysfunctional.
Your friend has a compulsive gambling problem. He likes taking risks and has lost big! Now he needs to address the problem correctly and take control of his life again - that's what recovery from compulsive gambling is all about.
I never really worry about someone being suicidal if they are telling you.
It is the quiet one that goes around and visits his friends and family and starts giving away stuff that you have to be careful about. This guy sounds gifted when it comes to squeezing money out of people.

Hello Mark

I would first like to applaud you for your article in the Star. It was bang on. I am a victim of sexual abuse and I'm in the middle of looking for my abuser. I have a line-up to go to next week and like you it took me years to face the truth. I was abused at the age of seven and I am now 37. I am also 40 days sober after 22 years of drug addiction. Your article inspires me to stay strong. This past 9 months have been difficult. I have run into denial, red tape and the general unwillingness of people to help me. Your article helps, it tells me I don't stand alone and I thank you and other survivors who are willing to stand up and fight for what was taken from them.

Ian

Hello Mark!

My name is Dave, and I really enjoy your program.

I used to abuse heroin, and have not used in almost

two years. I was sad to see your show go off the air

from Windsor, as I live in Ann Arbor, Michigan and can

only listen to you online. I know you must be very

busy, but I was wondering if you could maybe put some

different archived shows up on your website or links

to archived shows on a webpage somewhere? I have

listened to all the shows that you currently have on

the site many times, and would like to have new

programs to learn and grow from. It's like a meeting

that I can listen to anytime. I usually listen when I

do my math homework (I'm a college student). I feel a

little bit demanding asking you this, because you have

already done so much for so many people, and if you

cannot get to it, I will understand. But I just

thought I'd drop you a line and thank you for your

program, and let you know that you have a devoted

listener in me.

Sincerely,

David

As a father of two young children, whose own biological father was jailed for sexual offenses against children, my radar is always on when it comes to situations where abuse is possible, and I thank you for opening this discussion as relates to under-aged sex offenders. The one thing you touched on but didn't develop in your story is how children react to threats like "the don't tell or I'll kill you," that are often made against them. I think as parents, we need to educate our children to dispel the fears generated by situations that often result in these threats. Just as we teach them to overcome their fear of water, we must also educate them to the potential threats to their person and to the best method of resolving those issues should any form of assault occur. Children cannot develop these skills on their own.

As for my family, our educational tact has been to teach our children using appropriate sexual language, not being embarrassed, and not over or under reacting when fielding their questions. We given them ample

opportunity to see us naked in appropriate settings, we bathe together, and avoid using cute names in reference to our sex organs. In doing this we de-mystify the human body and thereby signal it is okay to talk about our bodies. In doing so our hope is that if something does happen they won't feel as if they are treading on taboo ground in addition to having to come to terms with the assault. It also empowers them to take control of their bodies. Through empowerment at a young age it will be easier to create the circumstances where they will be more likely to complain of an assault.

This specific sexual education combined within the context of respect for individual rights and responsibilities should be enough to dispel any fears of a bully's threats, let alone those of a sexual assaulter.

Jayson.